Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
