just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
