well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
