This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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