What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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