OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
