Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
