We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
