My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
