the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
