I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
