I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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