you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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