I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
