The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize