dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
