I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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