Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize