Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize