You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
