Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
