my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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