Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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