I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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