i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
