There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
