At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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