Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
