i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
