I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize