Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
