3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
