And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
