i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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