if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
