How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
