nut hugger
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
