I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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