the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
