so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
