I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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