Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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