everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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