OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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