I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
