You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
