i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
