Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
