come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
