Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
