It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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