"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
