Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
