Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize