So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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