i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
