Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
