ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I could make wine with my vomit
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
