My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
