after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
