what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
