Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
