You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
