you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
too bad you live with your parents still
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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