plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize