I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
