The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
