You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
