God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
what day is it and did you see me today?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
